“Restored” is a healing journal for woman that I am writing. When great pain is healed, all those who surround the one being restored are, without words or actions, in receipt of greater faith. When we are in pain, we can be assured, upon being restored we will be placed in the middle of the water, with ripples of hope infinitaely flowing outwards forever.
Uneasy but not queasy
Ungrounded and surrounded
by one whose energy
emits a grey synergy
It pulls from my core
And tells what’s in store
For the air is muffled
The tone is troubled
I go deeper into me
To find the lost key
Ah ha now it’s mine
I can draw the line
Between the dark and light
Feeling what was not right
Inner power is reclaimed
Harnessed and renamed
As closer to my heart
A truer, stronger part
Again it may slip away
shadow’s draft another day
But courage will flow in
Light again will win.
While it took me some time to understand that Brave and Bold actually meant women who know LOVE really means. Not in the sophomoric sense, rather an unconditional state of mind; a way of seeing and experiencing the world as a full, strong yet compassionate woman.
Coming upon this realization, and letting go of the old idea that brave and bold meant pushy, aggressive or People Pleasing, as it may go, I fell into a softer but self-assured confidence that I wanted to share and meet others on this journey. Certainly, I am a pilgrim on this path, seeking others that I can learn from as well as share with who can pass on to me the wisdom of growing up and old gracefully.
Woman to Woman Sharing Our Wisdom
I have to confess that recovering from back surgery has been the best vacation I’ve literally had in years! I have a wonderful woman who is staying with us and is handling everything in the home. When she left for a few hours, alone with my 11 year old, I couldn’t wait for her return. It is digging ditches both emotionally and physically to take care of them. Of course Michael is a stocky, strong- willed boy with ADHD, PDD and a full package of other challenges. Which is why it may come across even worse that I admit my reluctance to be fully responsible for him. But I feel I have literally aged even more over the past 11 years than I would have naturally by at least 200%.
The body just doesn’t spring back from back-to-back pregnancies at 39 and 40! Our bodies are already having a hard time springing back from a few extra pounds, much less two births. While this is tough, I truly believe and must be honest–Those boys, as tired as I find myself, taking care of them, have kept me alive at certain low points. They are the reason to keep going, and the reason I stop going at the same time! Can anyone relate?
Are there older moms out there? Please share your perspective and experience, strength, hope and HASSLES. Blog anonymously so we can be honest. Thanks for being there.
Almost Marking 24 Hours Without the Boys…
Often we don’t quite know just how badly we need a break until we actually get one. Oh, all those around us know, we just are the last to fully grasp it. I’m sure that I’ve been a bear, perhaps more like a morph between a lioness and a bat, hovering and roaring. They’ve been at Mayra’s now for almost 24 hours and I feel like the ice is melting ever so slowly, but melting nonetheless. Ruminated on several book concepts I’ve given birth to, almost as if I had to complete them prematurely, while I have the luxury of a quiet space. Of course, I came to my senses realizing that an induced delivery would likely be more painful and less productive in the long run. Recovering from a fairly sophisticated back surgery and just to fully bathe on my own was monumental enough, albeit writing three book proposals.
With the Boys Away, I am Just Starting to “Thaw”
I will try to schedule blogging and my writing at lease for a while, to after they are in bed and try to be more present for them in the waking hours. That being said, school is starting soon and the truth is, they both need more “hands-on” help than I even thought was necessary last year.
Hopefully, once the whirlwind is sweeping through the house again, I can, if only slightly, hold on to at least a portion of the peace and, more importantly, the convictions I wrote about here. Wish me luck!
There are two realizations I find most valuable from this gift of solitude. First, I actually am recalling what peace of mind, physical peace (or complete relaxation) and peace within my environment. Second, I have re-set a few priorities, that include being more involved in the day-to-day with the boys. I think as older moms, we tell ourselves that independence is good, all the way around. But, in fact, intimacy would be more appropriate–at least in most cases I’m referring to.
By the time breakfast is done and showers are had, my “older mom’s wisdom” tells me it’s time to go back to bed! Often I would trade a little less “wisdom” for a high-endurance battery!